How Come I Didn't Make it Out Alive.

Did anybody else notice that I am useless piece of flesh? Raise your hands or comment me if you agree. I was just checking out the Jasper Place Grad group and realized wow I am such a loser. Looking at all of them in their smiles, their pretty one-time-wear dresses, they look so happy and ready for what awaits them. Wow is that what High School did to you? Then I must of been in the wrong class. What I got out of High School was something so very different. No friends, no one to talk to. I was tormented and teased. For Christ sakes. What completely baffles me is that I wasn't the only fat one there and it seems I was always targeted. So I missed the 'great high school experience'. If that's what its called. I was afraid to go to school, because of the looks and the whispers. There is a reason why I walk hunched down, why I do not talk to anyone and why I dress the way I do. To this day I still live in the fear that school gave me. I am trying to graduate and I cant get myself to go to school. How am I supposed to accomplish this? Should I suck it up. Bottle it inside like I have been doing. Having it slowly kill me. Should I quit? And work at the same shitty job for the rest of my life? Its funny I actually cant bring myself to blame anyone in school. I am supposed to take care of crap like this, ME. To some I should of taken care of this crap in High School. And I ask them here and now. HOW? How do you handle things like that? I had no friends in school. "oh well just make some" Yeah its just that easy eh? I lost myself in high school. I think I still am in there. I try to act like it doesn't bother me but it does. I talk to people who are in there now. And they aren't having a problem. Was it just me? Am I truly the freak they all said I was? Did I miss that memo? I talk to people who I went to school with. They are doing great. With their bright futures. Still a little tipsy from the 'High' that High school gave them. I envy them, surprised aren't you? I envy someone. I envy almost everybody I meet. If I had the chance I would change myself in an instant. I want to go back to before high school, before Junior high. Hell even before the 'bad years' of Elementary. I want to go back to a time where no cared that I was fat, everyone talked to you and didn't make you feel like an idiot. I want to go back way, way before all the harsh words came about. Back when i didn't feel like shit all the time. No matter who I was with, or what I was doing. All that mattered was whether or not to play tag or monkey bars at recess. That was my big decision in those days. Or maybe I should move to an Island, just me. All alone. I could do what I want, no one would be there to make fun of me. No one would be there to drag me down. It does sound like paradise.